Hello out there in internet land! So Ive been thinking, what to blog about, when to blog, you get the picture... I have decided to blog once per week. This way I can work on my content. I mean who wants to read boring day to day stuff. Besides I have realized I don't have a life. All my post's are about is my kid and my fatness. I mean I could go on until the end of time about Ava. She really is the best thing that has ever happened to me. It's like a bolt of lightening gave me religion all of a sudden. But Im sure no one wants read that all the time!
So in true Carey Bradshaw fashion, I have decided to make it a weekly occurence. We all know that Im not really a Carey, more like a Charlotte by day and Samantha by night. Ha! who am I kidding. Im a Charlotte without the 5th Ave apartment! I do have a goofy sweet bald husband though. Sorry Baby, you know I love you!! (Let's see if he reads this) I coulda been a Samantha maybe a few years ago, maybe... but Im sure I wasn't that fabulous. (well, I was pretty Fabulous at times. it's ashame I don't remember them though)...
So Wednesday will be blog day.... Now, I have to come up with a topic. Any suggestions? Oh one more announcement, did you know I sang at weddings? Smooches!
Monday, May 11, 2009
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Hello my name is...
Feel like you are at AA. Well it's more like WW. For those of you that didn't know it, I had a bouncing baby girl in December. She is more wonderful than I thought she could ever be and I wouldn't know what I would do without her;however, I do know what I would do without these 40 pounds that are on my arse since giving birth. I mean I have always been "a healthy" girl as my husband says. You know all those terms you give a fat girl with big boobs. Thicke, or PHAT. Cuz you all know if I didn't have the girls, I would just be a fatchick.
Anywho, back to the reason for this topic. Prior to getting pregnant, I had lost weight and although I wasn't swimsuit model material, I was feeling pretty good about myself. Then I got pregnant... (insert foreboding music here),,, And I proceeded to consume every Reese's peanut butter cup I could get my hands on. Oh and don't forget the number of pigs that gave their life so that I may consume them in the form of a Chesesi Ham. (If you don't know what Chesesi Ham is, look it up. It's a New Orleans thing). There were also run ins with Cheetos Cheese Puffs and other random non healthy foods I consumed in the name of pregnancy. So here I am, a mom trapped in the body of a MILF. What's a diva to do!!!
I joined Weight Watchers, AGAIN! I swear, they really should grandfather me in. Ive been around for every plan change since the early 90s. It works, but I cheat so I stay fat. GO WW!! I really am starting Saturday. That is how I justified the jelly donut I had for breakfast. But I was thinking about my weight problem and thought that in America, the land of the free! (insert patriotic music here) that fat people really should be entitled to rehab covered by insurance. I mean drug addicts get 30 days, so do alcoholics. And don't even get me started on the bulimics and anorexics... they get all kinds of special treatment. But us fatties, have to plod along alone and pay for help to get healthy all the while forced to watch exercise tapes with some skinny ass that needs to eat a cheeseburger with bacon tell us how strong we are and to keep working at it.
I do have to give props to the Biggest Loser Show. It is the one place that recognizes that fat asses need more help than a Richard Simmons tape and Slim Fast Shake. But Im so sure, Can't you just see me saying, "bye Sam Im going off to be on a TV show for 3mos..." People with jobs can't do this. I dream of the day that Bob( you know the 'mo trainer on the show) would show up at my door and work me out. I just like Bob better for some reason. Jillian is amazing, but I think Bob and I have more in common. I mean when my big ass is sweating like a mule pulling a cart of mexicans up a mountain, the last thing I want to look at is a woman who's abs are tighter than a guitar string telling me to keep going... But Jillian if you read this, please come and rescue me. I will let you ride me like Zorro if you can make my ass as tight as yours.
I digress as usual, but you get my point. I should have some benefit in my insurance that allows me to go to a fat farm and get started at least. I think Ill right my Congressman as soon as I figure out who the hell he is..... I think it's David Vitter, I wonder if he has a position on saving the fat people. Let's see I know he supports hookers in their endeavors to facilitate companionship.Was that mean? My bad.... I wonder how he feels about fat hookers??
But the point is I begin a weight loss journey again. I hate that saying "weight loss journey"... but I suppose it is a journey. I mean they can invent a rocket that can fly to the moon, but nobody can muster up a wonder drug to shrink my muffin tops... I do believe it's a conspiracy. Well, enough for today. Smooches! and stay tuned, but I must warn you, Im not nice when Im hungry.
Anywho, back to the reason for this topic. Prior to getting pregnant, I had lost weight and although I wasn't swimsuit model material, I was feeling pretty good about myself. Then I got pregnant... (insert foreboding music here),,, And I proceeded to consume every Reese's peanut butter cup I could get my hands on. Oh and don't forget the number of pigs that gave their life so that I may consume them in the form of a Chesesi Ham. (If you don't know what Chesesi Ham is, look it up. It's a New Orleans thing). There were also run ins with Cheetos Cheese Puffs and other random non healthy foods I consumed in the name of pregnancy. So here I am, a mom trapped in the body of a MILF. What's a diva to do!!!
I joined Weight Watchers, AGAIN! I swear, they really should grandfather me in. Ive been around for every plan change since the early 90s. It works, but I cheat so I stay fat. GO WW!! I really am starting Saturday. That is how I justified the jelly donut I had for breakfast. But I was thinking about my weight problem and thought that in America, the land of the free! (insert patriotic music here) that fat people really should be entitled to rehab covered by insurance. I mean drug addicts get 30 days, so do alcoholics. And don't even get me started on the bulimics and anorexics... they get all kinds of special treatment. But us fatties, have to plod along alone and pay for help to get healthy all the while forced to watch exercise tapes with some skinny ass that needs to eat a cheeseburger with bacon tell us how strong we are and to keep working at it.
I do have to give props to the Biggest Loser Show. It is the one place that recognizes that fat asses need more help than a Richard Simmons tape and Slim Fast Shake. But Im so sure, Can't you just see me saying, "bye Sam Im going off to be on a TV show for 3mos..." People with jobs can't do this. I dream of the day that Bob( you know the 'mo trainer on the show) would show up at my door and work me out. I just like Bob better for some reason. Jillian is amazing, but I think Bob and I have more in common. I mean when my big ass is sweating like a mule pulling a cart of mexicans up a mountain, the last thing I want to look at is a woman who's abs are tighter than a guitar string telling me to keep going... But Jillian if you read this, please come and rescue me. I will let you ride me like Zorro if you can make my ass as tight as yours.
I digress as usual, but you get my point. I should have some benefit in my insurance that allows me to go to a fat farm and get started at least. I think Ill right my Congressman as soon as I figure out who the hell he is..... I think it's David Vitter, I wonder if he has a position on saving the fat people. Let's see I know he supports hookers in their endeavors to facilitate companionship.Was that mean? My bad.... I wonder how he feels about fat hookers??
But the point is I begin a weight loss journey again. I hate that saying "weight loss journey"... but I suppose it is a journey. I mean they can invent a rocket that can fly to the moon, but nobody can muster up a wonder drug to shrink my muffin tops... I do believe it's a conspiracy. Well, enough for today. Smooches! and stay tuned, but I must warn you, Im not nice when Im hungry.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Some say....
Some say I have a knack for this, so after much soul searching (yeah not so much really) I decided to blog. I will not make any promises, but I will try to do this at some regular interval. So now that I have a blog, I don't know what to say. I am much better at writing random emails to my friends in the middle of the day not really thinking they will read them. I guess I can start with me and how I got here.... Oh man, look at the time. I gotta go do something important. Wish me luck. More to come tomorrow. Peace to your pink parts. Smooches!!
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