Hello my name is...

Feel like you are at AA. Well it's more like WW. For those of you that didn't know it, I had a bouncing baby girl in December. She is more wonderful than I thought she could ever be and I wouldn't know what I would do without her;however, I do know what I would do without these 40 pounds that are on my arse since giving birth. I mean I have always been "a healthy" girl as my husband says. You know all those terms you give a fat girl with big boobs. Thicke, or PHAT. Cuz you all know if I didn't have the girls, I would just be a fatchick.
Anywho, back to the reason for this topic. Prior to getting pregnant, I had lost weight and although I wasn't swimsuit model material, I was feeling pretty good about myself. Then I got pregnant... (insert foreboding music here),,, And I proceeded to consume every Reese's peanut butter cup I could get my hands on. Oh and don't forget the number of pigs that gave their life so that I may consume them in the form of a Chesesi Ham. (If you don't know what Chesesi Ham is, look it up. It's a New Orleans thing). There were also run ins with Cheetos Cheese Puffs and other random non healthy foods I consumed in the name of pregnancy. So here I am, a mom trapped in the body of a MILF. What's a diva to do!!!

I joined Weight Watchers, AGAIN! I swear, they really should grandfather me in. Ive been around for every plan change since the early 90s. It works, but I cheat so I stay fat. GO WW!! I really am starting Saturday. That is how I justified the jelly donut I had for breakfast. But I was thinking about my weight problem and thought that in America, the land of the free! (insert patriotic music here) that fat people really should be entitled to rehab covered by insurance. I mean drug addicts get 30 days, so do alcoholics. And don't even get me started on the bulimics and anorexics... they get all kinds of special treatment. But us fatties, have to plod along alone and pay for help to get healthy all the while forced to watch exercise tapes with some skinny ass that needs to eat a cheeseburger with bacon tell us how strong we are and to keep working at it.

I do have to give props to the Biggest Loser Show. It is the one place that recognizes that fat asses need more help than a Richard Simmons tape and Slim Fast Shake. But Im so sure, Can't you just see me saying, "bye Sam Im going off to be on a TV show for 3mos..." People with jobs can't do this. I dream of the day that Bob( you know the 'mo trainer on the show) would show up at my door and work me out. I just like Bob better for some reason. Jillian is amazing, but I think Bob and I have more in common. I mean when my big ass is sweating like a mule pulling a cart of mexicans up a mountain, the last thing I want to look at is a woman who's abs are tighter than a guitar string telling me to keep going... But Jillian if you read this, please come and rescue me. I will let you ride me like Zorro if you can make my ass as tight as yours.

I digress as usual, but you get my point. I should have some benefit in my insurance that allows me to go to a fat farm and get started at least. I think Ill right my Congressman as soon as I figure out who the hell he is..... I think it's David Vitter, I wonder if he has a position on saving the fat people. Let's see I know he supports hookers in their endeavors to facilitate companionship.Was that mean? My bad.... I wonder how he feels about fat hookers??

But the point is I begin a weight loss journey again. I hate that saying "weight loss journey"... but I suppose it is a journey. I mean they can invent a rocket that can fly to the moon, but nobody can muster up a wonder drug to shrink my muffin tops... I do believe it's a conspiracy. Well, enough for today. Smooches! and stay tuned, but I must warn you, Im not nice when Im hungry.